I’m fixing supper for myself! and I’m just maybe finished a collage of shapes, triangles. I cut a cardboard page into triangles and glued them on some stock paper that I first glued in my book. Now; to choose a color for that piece of art?? Not sure yet what I’ll do or just sharpie marker it?? I haven’t got any ideas going through my head yet. I know I need to eat and maybe think about it or let it sit a few days say the weekend and for sure I’ll have a couple of ’em. This Art journal has taken me like forever to complete. I like to take my time and it’s personal to me really so there’s no deadlines :). I post the nicest pages though. If I’m starting a talk about my occupations or what I’ve been doing lately then I’ll post those pages .   I’m maybe going to the dollar store to look for  a jar for my Sharpie markers which I saw online from a video vlog.  It’s about how to take (better) care of your coloring medias, how  add character to your drawings with Sharpies, sorting to put colors in order , color hues together so it’s easier to manage and see the choices. Anyways got to go eat and gthat’s all I really have to say.20170222_164008

Just frustrated to the limit of blowing again :'(

So anyways, yesterday I was pushed to my limit as to how much I could take. Well I blew up and bad, yelling ”Fuck Off” repeatedly and sobbing. My boyfriend knew how I was when I got pushed to my limit, and so, why did he do what he did? Not sure!! and it was all because of a  fucking damn pair of dressy to semi-dressy pants. I am still aching about it today because I am doing my laundry and they’re not in!!  I checked my closet hangers and not there either. I know and remember putting them in his hamper and now they’re gone!!! I don’t loose pants  like that, on the flick of a flame. He is so unorganized and like his mother. He says he isn’t like her; pffff !!coulda fooled me buddy.

When he does laundry he just shoves it on the the railing in a big (globb) pile.  His mother, she’s worse, she shoves her old jacket and sweater on a chair, her chair, her recliner never bothering to hang it up. She always does that all the time. So why should I bother moving in with him? Like really; to get anxious and hurt and treated like I’m the one who has an issue? People don’t help!!The boyfriend’s mother is not negative but not the most positive either. I can only take so much and then I need to go.  This is how bad the apartment is or looks. I feel clostrophobic when I go there lately. It’s cramped and tight . There’s junk lying all over the floor, and she collects things that are ”heirloom”  objects as she states; like give me a break!

Crappy life’s challenges

I have a hard time dealing with some issues that are out of my control. Like my boyfriend’s father not respecting that I can’t breathe when I go there to visit. I tried to make it clear that he refrain from smoking while we’re eating. He can’t even respect that. He lit up so I said to everybody at the table including him ”I’m not eating until you finish your cigarette.” Like what an A$$hole. Just last week my boyfriend treated me of being selfish an inconsiderate because his father’s wife’s father is dying and all I am concerned about is cigarette smoke. He, himself, is narcissistic. Housing is on my but forcing me to pay what I never used; an air conditioner, since this bloody summer. I told them I had none since there were new windows and balcony doors installed, I just had fans. Well I had to give a letter stating I had what I said I had, two fans and nothing else so I didn’t lie. These are all stupid little twists and challenge that one should not have to deal with everyday because of anxiety and\or depression.

Hating this moment, right now

So anyways; I got to wear a BP monitor for 24 hrs. This thingy machine  hurts my arm real bad when checking my pressure. Oh yeah, my mother told me was ”complaining” to the doctor I had a fucking  white coat effect, so then she decided to send me for a blood pressure test before deciding to put me on medication for it. Now my mother wants me to tell her when my doc calls to give me the results, that she can go too. What the hell for? She hurts me and wants to know about my health? I’m tired tonight so I’m going to bed pretty soon, this fucking cuff hurts my arm. I lost one day of cleaning this place a bit. I don’t have much to do anyways. Then I get to go out yay! to an art gallery. I drew or better; designed another mandala. I think  some of my sharpie markers are dying out :(. So anyways I’m gonna go brush my teeth and head to bed. My jaw hurts but not as much as my damn arm. so this is it. I’m gonna write tomorrow night will have no cuff, it’ll all be over… wOOt.

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Sad, unhappy and fed up

So yes!! Friday!! TGIF! finally. I love having my weekends to myself. It’s tough with the boyfriend around. he’s got a fucking problem!! His mother had a conniption fit this week on Tuesday and he took the the end of it and yelled out at me and her; who fucking knows. It sure looked like it was directed at me more than her. He was venting on how he was being the third person, saying how I wanted him to transmit the messages to her through him. Well do you f****ing blame me after her goddamn outburst on that day??

I told him shit (aka things) like private and he repeats it to his mommy. Fucking arse pick!! I’m so fed up with him right now. I need a good goddamn bloody break. He tells everything to his mommy dearest and then I show up and she gets on my damn back too. Is this fair? no !! fuck no!

Taking the opposite sex role

Right now I’m not doing any Reading Challenges with Goodreads.com. That won’t happen until January 2017. I am however reading a good novel called In a perfect world. I’m just past chapter two. I love Robert but he is driving me nutz. I am not ready to get another animal aka a catand it shows. I like having Garfield over though, he ain’t hard to look after. He only wants to sleep ..meow. I keep on telling him he’s cute. He isn’t very outgoing or hyper, maybe when he was a kitten. I love him dearly but he doesn’t live with me.(Daddy) and my boyfriend is mommy. Anyways nothing is too new here, I made a collage I think I’m gonna name Mrs.Agnes Brown. Lmao, that’s what I was watching when I was painting it. Anyways this is what’s going on now.20161001_152053120160414_182443

Schitts Creek and some people!!!

I’m at home watching Schitts Creek. It’s on Netflix and it’s funny; omg!! This is a good show I would give it a 4 1/2 stars. I hope that there’s a Season 3. Catherine O’Hara  is a good actress and her blue eyes are stunning with her facial features and expressions are hilarious.Eugene is a good actor and is Canadian as well wOOt!!The amount of sleep I’ve been getting is alright,although I should go to bed earlier at night when alone because I don’t wanna wake up in the morning; it’s really damn hard. My boyfriend’s father almost got really told off yesterday; by myself. I swear he’s a total piece of work, this man.. …oh.  The man has no respect and cracks stupid jokes that aren’t even funny..hahaha 😡 Like piss off bunghole. I told the boyfriend I wanted to leave now and didn’t want a ride. He said sorry; kind of and said that he liked to joke or Robert spoke for him. Hmmm?? I just nodded yes. I don’t have very much to say. I haven’t been around and doing that much doodling and coloring as I haven’t been home for three nights in a row. I only do my doodling for a pastime not for an income. Tomorrow is dusting the tv, computer and bathroom areas time, then I chill out and what I want.

Deciding on what to do next …yolo

What to do today?? uhmmm. Well I can finish my sharpie doodle that I started yesterday, watch a movie on Netflix ? perhaps? Laundry should’ve been done yesterday while it was warm out :-S ….schitt!!! I guess that’ll go until it’s nice out and maybe after dinner. I hate shoving everything in the dryer; I can’t afford clothes every month and the dryer tends to do that, destroy fabrics overtime. I guess the clothes hanger will be my first option; before dyer usage  What can I do to better help myself save money? Stay at home on weekends and only buy the necessary.jpeg_20160827_0001_NEW

So yes, this is my Sharpie Doodle being created. I will post the new and improved one when I am done. I haven’t been doing a lot of doodles as I’ve been coloring in my books for adults. I really enjoy coloring as well as it permits me to escape my worries and other crappy thoughts I have stored or stuck in my head.   now I’m bombarded  with cigarette smoke coming into my  damn apartment because my neighbor does not control how much she smokes, she only has that stupid  Ipad or tablet what the fuck ever!! 😡  Housing Corp. doesn’t give two fucks about their tenants. I mean; I’m mild to highly allergic to that shit man.

Support system? Fuck it!!!

I feel ”alone”and low. I had an anxiety attack last Thursday and now I feel bad about it, like it’s my fault that I can’t stand clutter. I was more less told that it shouldn’t let it control my mind. I have OCD pretty anchored into my being. I feel like it’s controlling me; not me controlling it. I’ve been following and making The Wellness Tool Box or WRAP by Mary Ellen Copeland. Now I can’t even do anything because I’m lost,sad and low. My mother has no words of encouragement, she has no idea how I feel. All she cares about is how and when I’m gonna get that scratch post from  when I had Tulip, out of here. My support system isn’t there for me. I’m alone, low and a bit scared.